Poetry Friday: Dirt on My Shirt

A Jeff Foxworthy poetry book? To the BACAmobile!!!

So Jeff Foxworthy wrote kid poetry. I don’t mean that he wrote poetry for kids — I mean that he wrote poetry like a kid. If you saw it on your child’s elementary school homework, you’d be mildly amused. But from an adult? Oh, not good. And there is no way on God’s green earth that the jacketflap should read, “In this hilarious collection of poems...” Folks, there’s nothing hilarious to see here. Move along.

Dirt on My Shirt is a perfect example of a book that would have never, ever been published if not for the celebrity of the author. I find it particularly sad that it’s a book of poems — and I use that term loosely here — because parents don’t buy a lot of poetry books for their kids. So while the horrible Steve Martin ABC book will hopefully become a distant memory among the many other picture book choices, children may actually come away from Dirt on My Shirt with the idea that this is real poetry that, like, grown-ups write.

I couldn’t even find a favorite, or decide on the the worst of the batch to share. Grandparent’s day must be coming up soon, so I’ll go with these two selections.

Granddaddy

It sounds kind of sappy, but it makes me happy
To sit in my granddaddy’s lap
He tickles, I giggles and wiggles like crazy
And sometimes we just like to nap

Grandma

My grandma puts on lipstick
It’s bright red like a rose
Because she cannot see too well
It ends up on her nose!

By the way — no periods. That’s how all of the poems are. Apparently, they can end with an exclamation point or question mark, but not a period. Whatever. I give up.

The book is a freakin’ bestseller and the Amazon reviews are all good. A few people mention the poems as “simple” or “uninspired” but they don’t appear to see that as a problem. It breaks my heart that this piece of poetry crap will end up in the hands of readers instead of a dozen — a hundred other better choices. I guess Kelly’s right. It’s time for my own celebrity author blog. I’ll be Simon; anyone want to be Paula or Randy to balance my snark?

Poetry Friday Roundup is over at Becky’s Book Reviews. Head over to find some good poems.